The Saga of My Labour: Part One

The saga began two weeks before labour commenced.

I was forty weeks and there was no indication that my baby girl would be coming anytime soon. I wasn't surprised. True I had the false alarm, but the false alarm was more surprising than waiting. From my observations it's a rare case when a baby came on time and even more rare to come early. So from the start I figured that I would just expect to go to forty-two weeks and anything earlier would be a bonus. Imagine my surprise then when already I was being informed about the possibility of needing to forego my planned home birth due to the need for an induction - even though I still had two weeks to safely have the home birth that Luke and I were planning (three according to the College of Midwives of BC)!

I suppose it could be that I was extra sensitive being so near the end of my pregnancy that the fear was able to creep in. The fear could also be contributed to the fact that not one of my three midwives could find the opening to my cervix in order to perform a membrane sweep; in addition my cervix had neither softened nor had it dilated. In essence there was no sign that my body was preparing itself to give birth. As a result I was being warned that I had to consider a hospital birth - me the girl who although stating I believe that there is a time and place for everything, including the necessity of medical expertise during labour under certain circumstances, was truthfully nearly paralyzed by fear at the very thought of actually labouring and giving birth in a hospital.

I was calm and collected during my appointment. I took in the information and thanked my midwife. I walked home stunned, refusing to believe that I would be in the hospital, determined to prove them all wrong and that by the end of week forty-two I would be having my home-birth. I did have two weeks after all. This panic after only two or three days past my due date was ridiculous. Yet the fear took hold. That night I cried as a I literally saw my imagined safe, comforting and serene home birth fade while the cold hellish nightmare of being controlled by nurses and doctors bombarded their way into my thoughts and became my reality.

Labour Flowers from Luke

My saving grace was my friendship with a midwife. This is the beauty of midwifery: their ability to listen and be attuned not just to the physical facts but to our emotional wellbeing and to realize the full extent as to how much our emotions affect our physical wellbeing. I'm sure she heard my desperation as I told her what my body was doing, or wasn't doing in this case, and that I was being told that all indications were pointing to the hospital. I'm so glad I had her to turn to; she listened, she addressed the issues and then she encouraged me. She informed me that while my body was not yet reacting in the textbook manner to being forty weeks along, all that simply meant was that my body wasn't ready to give birth. The opening to my cervix may be hard to find, but I was pregnant so obviously there was an opening and when it was actually time my body would know exactly what to do. My body may be different but it wasn't defective. After all there were many cases where women were dilated but then took weeks to give birth and then there were others that never dilated, but when the time came went from zero to ten centimetres in next to no time at all. In addition, it's true that the CMBC does fully support home births up to forty-three weeks and they wouldn't do so if it wasn't completely proven safe. So, while my midwives were informing me about the possibility of needing a hospital birth, it wasn't because they necessarily believed I was going to end up there. Instead, they legally had to prepare and inform me so that I had all the information available and could make the best decision possible for myself.

Along with my friend's midwifery expertise and Luke's support the fear was squelched. In its place was a sense of calm and empowerment. I believed in myself. As a result I could trust the decisions that Luke and I would make on the way. I would be at peace knowing that I wasn't coerced; rather every decision made and every course of action taken would be done with my involvement and with purpose.

# of attempts writing this post: 4

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