Recently I had tea with both my mom and my grammy. I was telling them about my appointment with my midwife and how instead of gaining the expected three pounds I actually lost two pounds from the last time I had weighed in. I also mentioned that my midwife had assured me that it's quite normal because as the pregnancy progresses the stomach becomes quite squashed; so women think they're eating enough because they feel full and her recommendation was for me to keep a food journal to make sure I was consuming an adequate amount of calories. However, as mentioned earlier my belly measurements were right on track for the proper growth of my baby girl, so there really wasn't anything to worry about.
After relaying my good news I thought we'd go on to talk about something else. However, I was pleasantly surprised when Grammy exclaimed with perhaps a bit of amusement mixed with the added measure of wisdom gained over time by watching different trends come and go,
"My goodness things have changed. Why when I only went to the doctor to confirm I was pregnant and then I didn't go to the hospital again until the birth."
As strange and possible amusing as she thought all this fuss surrounding pregnancy is in this day and age, the idea of only seeing someone to confirm your pregnancy and then not again until delivery was equally shocking to me. Listening to Grammy as she relayed her experience uncovered some interesting facts. For instance, she said that the only time she saw her doctor was to confirm her pregnancy; remember at this time there were no chemical tests and apparently there wasn't even a blood test. So how was pregnancy confirmed? The doctor simply felt her abdomen. I automatically assumed that she must've been well into her second trimester for him to feel anything but Grammy says she wasn't that far along at all. There were no ultrasounds just the reliance of feel, amazing.
From previous stories that my parents had told of their mom's birthing experience I had always imagined a very isolated, lonely and drug induced labour that eradicated any memory of the birthing experience. I even heard it said that my Grammy was so high during her second delivery that she developed a fleeting crush on her doctor and told him he was so nice that she was naming her new son after him. That is how my uncle got his name; no special meaning, no input from my Grandpa, simply a name given while high on medical drugs. It was stories such as these that instilled in me my fear of hospital controlled births.
However, comments made by my grammy gave me new insight and a new perception. I must've mentioned to her that Luke would probably be working away in Squamish when I went into labour, but since it's my first I'm really not too concerned because it'll probably take hours and I'm sure he'll make it here in plenty of time. Grammy agreed and although she thought it would be nice for me to have Luke's support she said she was sure I'd be fine; after all John (my grandpa) wasn't present for any one of her five births and in some she couldn't even get ahold of him to take her to the hospital, so she gave birth all by herself. She laughed saying that she was so young and didn't know anything, but birth was normal so she wasn't nervous at all. I was slightly taken aback that she could say that birth was normal; from all my research birth was so medicalized by her generation that now the dominant idea is that birth is abnormal until proven otherwise and generally only with a midwife (unless you happen to be fortunate to have an exceptional doctor) is birth considered normal until proven otherwise. It really was an alter of perception to bring the stories of her drug induced birthing experiences together with the fact that she believed that birth was normal and therefore needn't be scared or nervous. This really made me curious so I asked her what her mother's birthing experiences were like. It came as a great surprise to me that my great-grandmother had her first two at home and her third with a health nurse who had rooms set up in her house (essentially a birthing centre) that were actually quite comfortable as it resembled being at home. My grammy is the oldest of her siblings; while she wasn't directly involved with the births of her siblings she was around for them and as far as she can remember birth just happened. In addition, my grandpa's mom had all of her children at home. So, it seems reasonable that because she grew up and was surrounded with the idea that birth is normal that she wouldn't have any hesitations about her own body's ability to go through the same process.
My grammy's stories really highlight the different social expectations from her generation and community to the ones that I face. Many friends and family who know me find it only obvious that I chose a midwife. Yet I have seen the element of surprise cross many brows when they find out that I'm attempting to have a home-birth. Considering the images that we're constantly fed about birth I suppose I should expect such a reaction; after all the media almost always depicts birth as almost equivalent to horrific rather than a event of great power. Even in movies where a home-birth is shown (as in the movie "Back Up Plan") it still comes off as traumatic for the main characters. Only recently did I come across an episode in the series "Bones" where home-birth was considered the optimum for comfort, safety, and health. The main character Dr. Brennan saw birth as completely natural. She emphasized the fact that the female body is designed to give birth and she was adamant that the best and most natural place for her to give birth was at home. For a show about about the science of bones I was secretly hoping that she'd have this opinion, but was preparing myself for the disappointment of yet another scientific hospital birth (although I felt it would have to run contradictory to someone who should intimately know the true design and intent of the human body). I was absolutely thrilled that Dr. Brennan was an adamant advocate for birth being both normal and believing in her body's natural ability to give birth.
I was fortunate to have parents who also believed birth was normal and chose to have a doula in the hospital with my sister attended by an empathetic doctor who had her baby at home. Following my sister they chose to have myself and my two brothers at home. Like my grammy I was raised believing birth is normal. I have no fears concerning labour. I am not naive - I know full well that it takes time and that it's painful (they don't call them labour pains or the ring-of-fire for nothing). I may actually enjoy the experience, or I may scream, holler, and cry while begging for it all to go away. I can't know, I can't even really speculate, until I'm there and I've done it. However, just as my grammy believed in her body's natural ability to give birth, I too believe in my own body and so the nervousness that surrounds so many other births just aren't present within me. To be honest I am petrified of the possibility of a hospital birth; however, I know that there is a time and place for everything. If it is determined that it would be best to transfer to the hospital my only prayer is that I'll be able to accept this with grace rather than a fear that could very well arrest labour and result in emergency intervention. Of course I know that however my baby girl comes into this world as long as she's healthy that's what's most important. For now I am encouraged with my grammy's statement when she found out my mom had chosen a home-birth,
"Your grandma gave birth to all her kids at home. If she can do it so can you." I come from a long line of women who believed in birth - I am no exception and from their strength I take comfort.
Wednesday 27 February 2013
Wednesday 20 February 2013
Finally Feeling Fine and Fabulous
I'm 31 weeks and these are just a few things I've noticed:
My innie bellybutton has started to become an outie and it's actually quite soft, I've begun to waddle, and I get tired more often and need an afternoon nap.
The less than pleasant aspects of the third trimester include:
Bending over has started to interfere with a variety of activities: tying my shoes (slip-ons are the go-to), sitting down and getting up (this goes sitting in the kitchen, the couch, the car, the bed, tying shoes, going to the bathroom and of course shaving). In fact last Friday I cleaned the bathroom, but when it came to cleaning out the bathtub I chose to leave it for Luke as I just couldn't fathom the thought of spending that much time bent over scrubbing the tub!
The heartburn I had in the first trimester has returned with a vengeance. Since I had an issue with kidney stones at the beginning of the pregnancy I have been avoiding Tums due to their calcium intake. As a result I'm back to munching on raw almonds or taking papaya enzymes. Both seem to be quite effective, but I think the almonds work best.
I've noticed little brown moles or skin tags on my breasts. The midwife assures me this is normal and they can appear all over the body but are more noticeable on breasts since they're more visible (especially since I've been slathering them in cream hoping to avoid stretch marks). That reminds me I have gotten stretch marks, neither very dark nor prominent, but they are right there on the top of my breasts. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised as my breasts are noticeably larger - even to people besides my husband. As of yet I haven't gotten any on my stomach but I do have approximately another ten weeks to go.
For the first time on February 13 I felt her up under my ribs - it wasn't that bad, but I'm not looking forward to that advancing because I'm sure it will only get more uncomfortable and painful the bigger and stronger she gets.
The more pleasant and simply enjoyable aspects of pregnancy include:
The love and enjoyment I once had for my dog Oscar has returned. I now really like taking him for a walk and playing fetch again. I even let him cuddle with me and his dog smell doesn't disgust me. However, I do think he could benefit from a bath. But again bending over for that amount of time holds no appeal, plus I'm almost guaranteed to get a bout of heartburn if I attempt it. So, washing the dog becomes another chore to add to Luke's to-do-because-I'm-pregnant-list.
I feel my baby girl quite frequently now and if I'm paying attention I can see my belly warp and ripple to her movements. Although she's active I don't think my baby girl really goes to town like she's entered a kickboxing match; instead it's more like she's stretching or adjusting, and when it does get a little more vigourous it's as if she's letting me know my position is squishing her and she's not in favour. This is such an incredible feeling that I don't even know how to describe it. I really don't have the words to explain and I think only another woman who has gone through it can understand what I'm saying. However, it's pretty entertaining and definitely steals my attention to watch my belly move and morph. It's also been fun to have Luke watch and feel when she really gets moving.
Probably one of the nicest things I've noticed is that the more I get out, see friends, go for walks, and eat nutritious meals the better I feel emotionally and physically. For such a long time I felt like I had no energy and for the majority of the time I felt sickly. Even when my severe nausea and puking finally faded I was still left with the uncomfortable feeling of getting over a flu. However, that has mostly abated and when I do start to feel a bit nauseas then I know it's time to eat and give my girl some calories to bulk up on. That may sound a bit funny but it's important to consume more calories to ensure that the baby is gaining adequate nutrition to develop, grow and build up her fat reserves for warmth. I had a midwife appointment a couple days ago and found out that rather than gaining the expected pound a week I actually lost two pounds! Initially this sounds great, but the reality is that it's the baby gaining weight that's important and to lose weight is a bit of a concern. However, when my midwife measured my belly it read 30 centimetres (approximately a centimetre for every week of gestation) which means that my baby girls growth is right on track. This means that it really was me that lost the two pounds - not too surprising since now that I'm feeling better I'm definitely more active. Once again my midwife assured me that it was normal to lose weight at this point because a mother's stomach gets so squashed that she may eat a meal and feel like she ate a sufficient amount because she's full. While my midwife encouraged me to continue being active and eating nutritious meals, she also mentioned monitoring my calorie intake to make sure it's sufficient and suggested eating more snacks. Of course, as Luke can attest to, I do eat quite often and I always have something in my purse just in case I need snack while we're out.
Finally, I have noticed that older people (men and women alike) seem to get the most enjoyment out of the prospect of new life. I'm constantly met with smiles, inquiries as to if I can feel her kicking, and when am I due. Actually there's one lady in my aqua-fit class that asks me when I'm due every time she sees me, it's cute and I'm happy to talk about it. After all it's quite the marvellous feat of nature that I'm accomplishing by growing this baby girl. I think it's this fact combined with my overall feeling of wellbeing that for the first time yesterday I felt like I had the pregnancy glow - random people kept smiling and saying hello to me. I felt noticed and my pregnant state seemed to make people more friendly than usual. It was nice and it made this pregnant woman feel especially good about herself.
My innie bellybutton has started to become an outie and it's actually quite soft, I've begun to waddle, and I get tired more often and need an afternoon nap.
The less than pleasant aspects of the third trimester include:
Bending over has started to interfere with a variety of activities: tying my shoes (slip-ons are the go-to), sitting down and getting up (this goes sitting in the kitchen, the couch, the car, the bed, tying shoes, going to the bathroom and of course shaving). In fact last Friday I cleaned the bathroom, but when it came to cleaning out the bathtub I chose to leave it for Luke as I just couldn't fathom the thought of spending that much time bent over scrubbing the tub!
The heartburn I had in the first trimester has returned with a vengeance. Since I had an issue with kidney stones at the beginning of the pregnancy I have been avoiding Tums due to their calcium intake. As a result I'm back to munching on raw almonds or taking papaya enzymes. Both seem to be quite effective, but I think the almonds work best.
I've noticed little brown moles or skin tags on my breasts. The midwife assures me this is normal and they can appear all over the body but are more noticeable on breasts since they're more visible (especially since I've been slathering them in cream hoping to avoid stretch marks). That reminds me I have gotten stretch marks, neither very dark nor prominent, but they are right there on the top of my breasts. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised as my breasts are noticeably larger - even to people besides my husband. As of yet I haven't gotten any on my stomach but I do have approximately another ten weeks to go.
For the first time on February 13 I felt her up under my ribs - it wasn't that bad, but I'm not looking forward to that advancing because I'm sure it will only get more uncomfortable and painful the bigger and stronger she gets.
The more pleasant and simply enjoyable aspects of pregnancy include:
The love and enjoyment I once had for my dog Oscar has returned. I now really like taking him for a walk and playing fetch again. I even let him cuddle with me and his dog smell doesn't disgust me. However, I do think he could benefit from a bath. But again bending over for that amount of time holds no appeal, plus I'm almost guaranteed to get a bout of heartburn if I attempt it. So, washing the dog becomes another chore to add to Luke's to-do-because-I'm-pregnant-list.
I feel my baby girl quite frequently now and if I'm paying attention I can see my belly warp and ripple to her movements. Although she's active I don't think my baby girl really goes to town like she's entered a kickboxing match; instead it's more like she's stretching or adjusting, and when it does get a little more vigourous it's as if she's letting me know my position is squishing her and she's not in favour. This is such an incredible feeling that I don't even know how to describe it. I really don't have the words to explain and I think only another woman who has gone through it can understand what I'm saying. However, it's pretty entertaining and definitely steals my attention to watch my belly move and morph. It's also been fun to have Luke watch and feel when she really gets moving.
Probably one of the nicest things I've noticed is that the more I get out, see friends, go for walks, and eat nutritious meals the better I feel emotionally and physically. For such a long time I felt like I had no energy and for the majority of the time I felt sickly. Even when my severe nausea and puking finally faded I was still left with the uncomfortable feeling of getting over a flu. However, that has mostly abated and when I do start to feel a bit nauseas then I know it's time to eat and give my girl some calories to bulk up on. That may sound a bit funny but it's important to consume more calories to ensure that the baby is gaining adequate nutrition to develop, grow and build up her fat reserves for warmth. I had a midwife appointment a couple days ago and found out that rather than gaining the expected pound a week I actually lost two pounds! Initially this sounds great, but the reality is that it's the baby gaining weight that's important and to lose weight is a bit of a concern. However, when my midwife measured my belly it read 30 centimetres (approximately a centimetre for every week of gestation) which means that my baby girls growth is right on track. This means that it really was me that lost the two pounds - not too surprising since now that I'm feeling better I'm definitely more active. Once again my midwife assured me that it was normal to lose weight at this point because a mother's stomach gets so squashed that she may eat a meal and feel like she ate a sufficient amount because she's full. While my midwife encouraged me to continue being active and eating nutritious meals, she also mentioned monitoring my calorie intake to make sure it's sufficient and suggested eating more snacks. Of course, as Luke can attest to, I do eat quite often and I always have something in my purse just in case I need snack while we're out.
Finally, I have noticed that older people (men and women alike) seem to get the most enjoyment out of the prospect of new life. I'm constantly met with smiles, inquiries as to if I can feel her kicking, and when am I due. Actually there's one lady in my aqua-fit class that asks me when I'm due every time she sees me, it's cute and I'm happy to talk about it. After all it's quite the marvellous feat of nature that I'm accomplishing by growing this baby girl. I think it's this fact combined with my overall feeling of wellbeing that for the first time yesterday I felt like I had the pregnancy glow - random people kept smiling and saying hello to me. I felt noticed and my pregnant state seemed to make people more friendly than usual. It was nice and it made this pregnant woman feel especially good about herself.Thursday 14 February 2013
Feelings of Fat
Today I am twenty-nine weeks and feeling fabulous. If you had asked me one week ago though I would've claimed that I officially felt fat. In fact while getting ready for bed I stated as such to Luke who without hesitation and reassurance in his eyes stated empathetically,
"You're beautiful." It's amazing how much this little comfort from him helped to boost my self-image. Even though at that point I saw my body as one that had changed from a figure of curves to a figure of face, boobs, but mostly belly. So, what changed from one week to the next? The input from my Sociology class and with it a new perception; or should I say the reinstatement of the original belief that a woman's pregnant body is the pinnacle of creation as it is the carrier and bringer of new life.
My class is titled Sociology of Parenting in Popular Culture. Essentially this class takes a look at how media influences our decisions and feelings as parents by subjecting us to contemporary ideologies - which are mostly defined by affluent white and heterogenous standards. This past week talked a lot about the idea of guilt and mother blaming which starts in pregnancy, even before the child is born. Advice through baby-help books and health pamphlets and literature may seem that they are offering sound advice, but when it words it in ways that only their option is valid and any other choice bad, it leaves us mothers wondering if our intuition is faulty? For instance, in a book I just read Heading Home With Your Newborn, while I found most of the information interesting and felt it helped to bolster my confidence in my ability to be a parent, there was one section which talks about flying with an infant that left me questioning. This section while confirming that infants under two fly for free they state that it doesn't guarantee a free seat for your baby. So, for your infant's safety it would only be diligent to pay the extra cost so that you can buckle your baby in their own personal seat. Personally I decided that I wouldn't pay for the extra seat, but the indication is that my ability to be a good/great mom doesn't quite make it up to snuff. Thankfully a discussion with my husband who thought that advice was ridiculous, and a bit overkill, helped eradicate that lingering feeling of inadequacy.
Another discussion that has come up through this Sociology class is the idea that media dictates body image and new moms are no exception. Through media new moms are pressured to erase any hint of the encumbrance of their pregnancy by bombarding us with images of "better than before" bikini clad post pregnant celebrities (Hallstein, 2011). It may seem absurd that media has this much influence but when these same images are mixed with not so flattering "before" or pregnant pictures the message is clear: a pregnant body is fat, gross and out-of-control whereas the post pregnant body is disciplined and not just beautiful, but ultra sexy (Hallstein, 119). Of course there's a lot more analysis on both sides, but when it comes to undue pressure that new moms feel it isn't hard to find evidence. For instance a recent Facebook posting from a pregnant friend stated her frustration that she didn't feel pregnant, just fat. Now I can understand this but what I thought was more interesting than her post was the commentary she received. All the posting were from women and they all offered sympathy but none encouraged her to embrace the beauty of pregnancy; however, one guy did just that. "You must embrace this! It's totally worth it! Plus, a lot of dudes think pregnant broads are hot." Yet, the next comment was from a woman who thought the guy's comment was "weird." I thought this interaction exemplified the change in contemporary ideology from viewing the pregnant body as mysterious, an honour and the essence of beauty to viewing it as out-of-control and fat, and seeing it any other way is weird. At the same time it also shows that, while this may be the contemporary ideology, clearly not everyone adheres or has fallen for this train of thought.
As for me, I refute the contemporary idea that my pregnant body is bad, out of control, or even gross. Yes my body is growing just as the baby within me is growing; it is right on track and it is healthy. I have a beautiful voluptuous body that emulates life.
"You're beautiful." It's amazing how much this little comfort from him helped to boost my self-image. Even though at that point I saw my body as one that had changed from a figure of curves to a figure of face, boobs, but mostly belly. So, what changed from one week to the next? The input from my Sociology class and with it a new perception; or should I say the reinstatement of the original belief that a woman's pregnant body is the pinnacle of creation as it is the carrier and bringer of new life.
My class is titled Sociology of Parenting in Popular Culture. Essentially this class takes a look at how media influences our decisions and feelings as parents by subjecting us to contemporary ideologies - which are mostly defined by affluent white and heterogenous standards. This past week talked a lot about the idea of guilt and mother blaming which starts in pregnancy, even before the child is born. Advice through baby-help books and health pamphlets and literature may seem that they are offering sound advice, but when it words it in ways that only their option is valid and any other choice bad, it leaves us mothers wondering if our intuition is faulty? For instance, in a book I just read Heading Home With Your Newborn, while I found most of the information interesting and felt it helped to bolster my confidence in my ability to be a parent, there was one section which talks about flying with an infant that left me questioning. This section while confirming that infants under two fly for free they state that it doesn't guarantee a free seat for your baby. So, for your infant's safety it would only be diligent to pay the extra cost so that you can buckle your baby in their own personal seat. Personally I decided that I wouldn't pay for the extra seat, but the indication is that my ability to be a good/great mom doesn't quite make it up to snuff. Thankfully a discussion with my husband who thought that advice was ridiculous, and a bit overkill, helped eradicate that lingering feeling of inadequacy.
Another discussion that has come up through this Sociology class is the idea that media dictates body image and new moms are no exception. Through media new moms are pressured to erase any hint of the encumbrance of their pregnancy by bombarding us with images of "better than before" bikini clad post pregnant celebrities (Hallstein, 2011). It may seem absurd that media has this much influence but when these same images are mixed with not so flattering "before" or pregnant pictures the message is clear: a pregnant body is fat, gross and out-of-control whereas the post pregnant body is disciplined and not just beautiful, but ultra sexy (Hallstein, 119). Of course there's a lot more analysis on both sides, but when it comes to undue pressure that new moms feel it isn't hard to find evidence. For instance a recent Facebook posting from a pregnant friend stated her frustration that she didn't feel pregnant, just fat. Now I can understand this but what I thought was more interesting than her post was the commentary she received. All the posting were from women and they all offered sympathy but none encouraged her to embrace the beauty of pregnancy; however, one guy did just that. "You must embrace this! It's totally worth it! Plus, a lot of dudes think pregnant broads are hot." Yet, the next comment was from a woman who thought the guy's comment was "weird." I thought this interaction exemplified the change in contemporary ideology from viewing the pregnant body as mysterious, an honour and the essence of beauty to viewing it as out-of-control and fat, and seeing it any other way is weird. At the same time it also shows that, while this may be the contemporary ideology, clearly not everyone adheres or has fallen for this train of thought.
As for me, I refute the contemporary idea that my pregnant body is bad, out of control, or even gross. Yes my body is growing just as the baby within me is growing; it is right on track and it is healthy. I have a beautiful voluptuous body that emulates life.
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