Recently I had tea with both my mom and my grammy. I was telling them about my appointment with my midwife and how instead of gaining the expected three pounds I actually lost two pounds from the last time I had weighed in. I also mentioned that my midwife had assured me that it's quite normal because as the pregnancy progresses the stomach becomes quite squashed; so women think they're eating enough because they feel full and her recommendation was for me to keep a food journal to make sure I was consuming an adequate amount of calories. However, as mentioned earlier my belly measurements were right on track for the proper growth of my baby girl, so there really wasn't anything to worry about.
After relaying my good news I thought we'd go on to talk about something else. However, I was pleasantly surprised when Grammy exclaimed with perhaps a bit of amusement mixed with the added measure of wisdom gained over time by watching different trends come and go,
"My goodness things have changed. Why when I only went to the doctor to confirm I was pregnant and then I didn't go to the hospital again until the birth."
As strange and possible amusing as she thought all this fuss surrounding pregnancy is in this day and age, the idea of only seeing someone to confirm your pregnancy and then not again until delivery was equally shocking to me. Listening to Grammy as she relayed her experience uncovered some interesting facts. For instance, she said that the only time she saw her doctor was to confirm her pregnancy; remember at this time there were no chemical tests and apparently there wasn't even a blood test. So how was pregnancy confirmed? The doctor simply felt her abdomen. I automatically assumed that she must've been well into her second trimester for him to feel anything but Grammy says she wasn't that far along at all. There were no ultrasounds just the reliance of feel, amazing.
From previous stories that my parents had told of their mom's birthing experience I had always imagined a very isolated, lonely and drug induced labour that eradicated any memory of the birthing experience. I even heard it said that my Grammy was so high during her second delivery that she developed a fleeting crush on her doctor and told him he was so nice that she was naming her new son after him. That is how my uncle got his name; no special meaning, no input from my Grandpa, simply a name given while high on medical drugs. It was stories such as these that instilled in me my fear of hospital controlled births.
However, comments made by my grammy gave me new insight and a new perception. I must've mentioned to her that Luke would probably be working away in Squamish when I went into labour, but since it's my first I'm really not too concerned because it'll probably take hours and I'm sure he'll make it here in plenty of time. Grammy agreed and although she thought it would be nice for me to have Luke's support she said she was sure I'd be fine; after all John (my grandpa) wasn't present for any one of her five births and in some she couldn't even get ahold of him to take her to the hospital, so she gave birth all by herself. She laughed saying that she was so young and didn't know anything, but birth was normal so she wasn't nervous at all. I was slightly taken aback that she could say that birth was normal; from all my research birth was so medicalized by her generation that now the dominant idea is that birth is abnormal until proven otherwise and generally only with a midwife (unless you happen to be fortunate to have an exceptional doctor) is birth considered normal until proven otherwise. It really was an alter of perception to bring the stories of her drug induced birthing experiences together with the fact that she believed that birth was normal and therefore needn't be scared or nervous. This really made me curious so I asked her what her mother's birthing experiences were like. It came as a great surprise to me that my great-grandmother had her first two at home and her third with a health nurse who had rooms set up in her house (essentially a birthing centre) that were actually quite comfortable as it resembled being at home. My grammy is the oldest of her siblings; while she wasn't directly involved with the births of her siblings she was around for them and as far as she can remember birth just happened. In addition, my grandpa's mom had all of her children at home. So, it seems reasonable that because she grew up and was surrounded with the idea that birth is normal that she wouldn't have any hesitations about her own body's ability to go through the same process.
My grammy's stories really highlight the different social expectations from her generation and community to the ones that I face. Many friends and family who know me find it only obvious that I chose a midwife. Yet I have seen the element of surprise cross many brows when they find out that I'm attempting to have a home-birth. Considering the images that we're constantly fed about birth I suppose I should expect such a reaction; after all the media almost always depicts birth as almost equivalent to horrific rather than a event of great power. Even in movies where a home-birth is shown (as in the movie "Back Up Plan") it still comes off as traumatic for the main characters. Only recently did I come across an episode in the series "Bones" where home-birth was considered the optimum for comfort, safety, and health. The main character Dr. Brennan saw birth as completely natural. She emphasized the fact that the female body is designed to give birth and she was adamant that the best and most natural place for her to give birth was at home. For a show about about the science of bones I was secretly hoping that she'd have this opinion, but was preparing myself for the disappointment of yet another scientific hospital birth (although I felt it would have to run contradictory to someone who should intimately know the true design and intent of the human body). I was absolutely thrilled that Dr. Brennan was an adamant advocate for birth being both normal and believing in her body's natural ability to give birth.
I was fortunate to have parents who also believed birth was normal and chose to have a doula in the hospital with my sister attended by an empathetic doctor who had her baby at home. Following my sister they chose to have myself and my two brothers at home. Like my grammy I was raised believing birth is normal. I have no fears concerning labour. I am not naive - I know full well that it takes time and that it's painful (they don't call them labour pains or the ring-of-fire for nothing). I may actually enjoy the experience, or I may scream, holler, and cry while begging for it all to go away. I can't know, I can't even really speculate, until I'm there and I've done it. However, just as my grammy believed in her body's natural ability to give birth, I too believe in my own body and so the nervousness that surrounds so many other births just aren't present within me. To be honest I am petrified of the possibility of a hospital birth; however, I know that there is a time and place for everything. If it is determined that it would be best to transfer to the hospital my only prayer is that I'll be able to accept this with grace rather than a fear that could very well arrest labour and result in emergency intervention. Of course I know that however my baby girl comes into this world as long as she's healthy that's what's most important. For now I am encouraged with my grammy's statement when she found out my mom had chosen a home-birth,
"Your grandma gave birth to all her kids at home. If she can do it so can you." I come from a long line of women who believed in birth - I am no exception and from their strength I take comfort.
Way to go! You are strong:)
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