Feelings of Fat

Today I am twenty-nine weeks and feeling fabulous. If you had asked me one week ago though I would've claimed that I officially felt fat. In fact while getting ready for bed I stated as such to Luke who without hesitation and reassurance in his eyes stated empathetically,
"You're beautiful." It's amazing how much this little comfort from him helped to boost my self-image. Even though at that point I saw my body as one that had changed from a figure of curves to a figure of face, boobs, but mostly belly. So, what changed from one week to the next? The input from my Sociology class and with it a new perception; or should I say the reinstatement of the original belief that a woman's pregnant body is the pinnacle of creation as it is the carrier and bringer of new life.

My class is titled Sociology of Parenting in Popular Culture. Essentially this class takes a look at how media influences our decisions and feelings as parents by subjecting us to contemporary ideologies - which are mostly defined by affluent white and heterogenous standards. This past week talked a lot about the idea of guilt and mother blaming which starts in pregnancy, even before the child is born. Advice through baby-help books and health pamphlets and literature may seem that they are offering sound advice, but when it words it in ways that only their option is valid and any other choice bad, it leaves us mothers wondering if our intuition is faulty? For instance, in a book I just read Heading Home With Your Newborn, while I found most of the information interesting and felt it helped to bolster my confidence in my ability to be a parent, there was one section which talks about flying with an infant that left me questioning. This section while confirming that infants under two fly for free they state that it doesn't guarantee a free seat for your baby. So, for your infant's safety it would only be diligent to pay the extra cost so that you can buckle your baby in their own personal seat. Personally I decided that I wouldn't pay for the extra seat, but the indication is that my ability to be a good/great mom doesn't quite make it up to snuff. Thankfully a discussion with my husband who thought that advice was ridiculous, and a bit overkill, helped eradicate that lingering feeling of inadequacy.

Another discussion that has come up through this Sociology class is the idea that media dictates body image and new moms are no exception. Through media new moms are pressured to erase any hint of the encumbrance of their pregnancy by bombarding us with images of "better than before" bikini clad post pregnant celebrities (Hallstein, 2011). It may seem absurd that media has this much influence but when these same images are mixed with not so flattering "before" or pregnant pictures the message is clear: a pregnant body is fat, gross and out-of-control whereas the post pregnant body is disciplined and not just beautiful, but ultra sexy (Hallstein, 119). Of course there's a lot more analysis on both sides, but when it comes to undue pressure that new moms feel it isn't hard to find evidence. For instance a recent Facebook posting from a pregnant friend stated her frustration that she didn't feel pregnant, just fat. Now I can understand this but what I thought was more interesting than her post was the commentary she received. All the posting were from women and they all offered sympathy but none encouraged her to embrace the beauty of pregnancy; however, one guy did just that. "You must embrace this! It's totally worth it! Plus, a lot of dudes think pregnant broads are hot." Yet, the next comment was from a woman who thought the guy's comment was "weird." I thought this interaction exemplified the change in contemporary ideology from viewing the pregnant body as mysterious, an honour and the essence of beauty to viewing it as out-of-control and fat, and seeing it any other way is weird. At the same time it also shows that, while this may be the contemporary ideology, clearly not everyone adheres or has fallen for this train of thought.

As for me, I refute the contemporary idea that my pregnant body is bad, out of control, or even gross. Yes my body is growing just as the baby within me is growing; it is right on track and it is healthy. I have a beautiful voluptuous body that emulates life.