Waiting with Purpose

I've officially made it to forty weeks gestation with an estimated due date of April 20, 2013.
And what a time week thirty-nine was.

To begin with on Sunday evening I submitted the very last final graded paper of my degree! What a fantastic feeling and lifted weight that was. I'm so pleased to have completed the course before my baby girl arrives. Now I can relax and really concentrate on getting ready for her arrival. Of course, this isn't to say that I'm lightly passing over the fact that not only have I finished this course, but even more satisfying is the feeling of completing my degree!!! Wow, this fact still amazes me. It was a goal that I had set for myself and while it took far longer than I ever thought it would, I persevered and I really am so happy to have accomplished this goal.

In a sense becoming pregnant helped me to focus in on completing my degree; it was the final driving force that pushed me to finish once and for all. On the other hand during the process of achieving my degree I had so much opportunity to educate myself about the practice of midwifery. In turn this has given me full insight as to the benefits and empowerment that having this type of care that focuses on informed choice has to offer. In addition, now that I'm so near to labour I feel that I have the confidence to persevere, that my body is actually designed and made to go through the process. So rather than labour and birth being shrouded in the unknown and thus fear I have the knowledge and education to believe in my body, to believe in the process, and to believe in myself.

While the rest of the week was mostly uneventful on Friday morning, the day before the due date, I experienced what I thought was my water breaking. Earlier that week at our midwifery appointment our midwife talked about what could happen, what to expect and when, or when not, to contact them should I go into labour. Our midwife told Luke and I that in the odd chance that my water broke and I wasn't in active labour, in other words if contractions hadn't started,were inconsistent, and hadn't gotten to the point where I was having contractions that were lasting one minute, were four minutes apart from the beginning of one to the beginning of another, and had been this consistent for an hour, then I was to relax and if possible get some rest because it could possibly take up to twenty-four hours for labour to really kick in. In addition, if it occurred during the night again try to go back to sleep and only call the midwife-on-call if I had reached the one-one-four consistency of contractions. Although I was aware of this before it was interesting to note that when a woman's water breaks it really doesn't mean that it's going to be like the movies where the water breaks and instantly that means the baby is pretty much on its way to being born. Instead, especially as it being my first time, it was more likely to take quite a few hours possibly even the full twenty-four hour period. Also, we were warned that if my water broke rather than it all come gushing out at once, it could be a slow leak where it feels like I've peed myself without the urge to pee and that I'd then want to wear pads because the leaking would most likely continue and would soak my pads. What I didn't expect was that this could possibly happen to me.
That brings us back to Friday morning.

*Note - for those of you who are squeamish or know me too personally to be comfortable with this amount and kind of information I suggest you either stop reading or get someone to brief you on the story later as even I never thought I'd be so open as to the full details of my body.

It was approximately 9:30 am, I had just finished completely draining my bladder when I crawled back into bed and settled in with a book and I felt this gush and sensation of peeing myself, but it also felt minor to the point I was unsure and thought perhaps it was just part of the extra secretions that pregnancy brings with it. About half an hour later I got up and was talking to Luke in the kitchen when I felt another gush, but this time it was large enough to soak my underwear and trickle down my leg. My eyes got huge as I looked up and proclaimed,
"My water broke." With that I rushed to the bathroom to grab some pads, sat on the toilet and even more fluid gushed out. Just so there's no confusion I would like to point out that Luke followed my into the bathroom and heard the gush for himself - so there was definitely a good amount of fluid, not some little tiny bit I was just overreacting to.
From the description that we had gotten from the midwife, the fact that I knew that the water breaking in this manner was quite normal, and that labour could still take another twenty-four hours to actually begin, I was convinced that my water really had broken. Yet, I wasn't concerned that I wasn't having contractions and figured it would be best to go about my day as planned. In this case it meant spending the day with my dad going grocery shopping and preparing freezer meals for when our baby girl made her appearance. So, perfect timing and opportunity I thought. Plus, Luke had caught a cold the night before and I thought it best to let him rest as much as he could, for me to get out of the sick environment and hang out with my dad who was healthy. As I got ready for my day I called my parents and siblings to let them know that the time had come. We were all so excited that sometime within the day or next we'd be meeting our new addition to the family. The one person I didn't call was the on-call midwife. I did call the office, but it was closed and with the information we received at our last appointment I figured it wasn't necessary to call the on-call midwife right away until things really started to progress. With that my dad picked me up around 11:00am and off shopping we went.

It was around 2:00pm that I finally decided to call the midwife to let her know my water had broken. As it turned out she was glad I had called because from the description I had given her combined with the fact that I hadn't soaked through a pad yet nor had any major contractions started, even though I was experiencing more back pressure, she said it sounded like my waters hadn't actually broken. Instead she suspected that I had only experienced an increase in liquid body fluid. I was stunned and a bit skeptical. There had been so much fluid, it wasn't as if I was over exaggerating on the amount, could I really have mistaken something as major as my water breaking?

At 4:00pm Luke and I walked up to the hospital and met the midwife in the maternity ward. The reason for going to the hospital is that they have sterile swabs and speculums for doing an internal examination that was sure not to introduce any bacteria on the chance that my water had indeed broken. In addition, the midwife would be able to put a sample of the fluid on a slide and look at it under a microscope for the cell formation that is particular to amniotic fluid and be able to positively confirm what the status was. As it turns, the midwife's suspicion was correct: my water had not broken. What we found out instead was that I had an undetected yeast infection that was creating and excreting this extra fluid. I was both confused and disappointed. Once again I had no questions, nor could I really form my thoughts, so I was relieved when Luke stated,
"I think we're both confused at how there could be so much fluid?"
The midwife affirmed that this was really quite possible, and I suppose that since they actually have a test in order to confirm if the water had actually broken it must be a common enough mistake to make. She described it like opening up cottage cheese or yogurt and the next time you go open it up it has a layer of liquid pooled on top. It sounded strange but at least it was an answer.

Walking out of the hospital I felt numb. It was a cool evening but I didn't care to even attempt putting on my jacket. It was only with Luke's insistence and help that I managed to get it on. As he was holding the jacket open for me to get my arms in I finally choked out that it may be silly because we know she was healthy and doing alright, but I was really looking forward to holding her and I was really disappointed; with that I broke down and cried while Luke wrapped his arms around me. It was such an emotional high to a big let down; it was simply too emotionally disappointing for me. This disappointment was only enhanced by embarrassment and the fact that I then had to inform everyone I'd told (family and a couple good friends) that it was a false alarm. I didn't even feel like talking, I was still on the verge of tears and emotionally drained. Thankfully on the way home Luke and I stopped off at my parents' and my dad had a meal all ready for us to take home. Although it was intended to feed us during labour, when my dad knew neither of us would have the foresight nor concentration to think of such things as feeding ourselves, it was most definitely appreciated to have a hot delicious meal ready to take home at a time when all we wanted to do was go home and rest.

As I puttered around my house that evening, in order to lift my spirit and not dwell in the gloom, I thought of reasons that made this event positive. First, Luke had a cold so this would give him time to rest and get better. Second, I was thankful that I found out that I had a yeast infection so I could treat it and have it all cleared up before my baby girl passes through; it would be horrible to give birth and have her contract her own yeast infection that could potentially present itself as diaper rash in addition to having thrush in the mouth, which she would then pass on to my breasts - it would just be a vicious cycle that would end up as, my brother-in-law so eloquently put it,
"Then it's purple baby juice everywhere!"
The third reason this was positive was that if my water had actually broken I'd have been on a twenty-four hour timeline for labour to start and if it didn't then I'd have to be medically induced which would take away the home-birth option. With these circumstances in mind I was definitely more inclined to wait another week, no matter how excited I was to hold her.

The due date has now come and gone. Luke's cold has cleared up and he has taken to poking my belly and informing our baby girl that she can come out now, that daddy's excited to meet her and gently tries to coax her by letting her know that she's missing out on the entertainment of the outside world and that we'll make it just as comfortable out here for her as it is in the womb. Although I'm still eager for her arrival for once I'm waiting patiently; Luke may be better but I'm not sure my infection has completely cleared up. However, once this medication is finished and I try a night with a clove of garlic up there then I'll be ready to start the home remedies/natural methods of getting labour to kick in. As for the clove of garlic, our midwife says to string it with some thread so you can retrieve it later. Apparently you'll immediately taste garlic, but the many women that she has recommended this to have affirmed its immediate effectiveness.

It still boggles me that I could actually have been mistaken about my water breaking. However, I have since found out that this happened to a friend of mine, except it occurred earlier in the pregnancy so it was a major relief to find out that she wasn't leaking amniotic fluid. In addition, I figure that this must happen often enough in order for there to actually be tests to confirm whether or not a woman's water has broken. This leads me to conclude that I'm not actually crazy. It may be rare, and people may just shake their heads and chuckle thinking that I'm just a first-timer getting confused and excited over nothing, but clearly I am not alone! So, for all you first timers out there be forewarned that this does occur. Therefore if it should happen to you be comforted knowing that this is more common than thought and I for one completely empathize with how confusing it can be.

My belly at 40 weeks is so large that the band on my maternity jeans no longer stays up and my maternity shirt is too short to cover it!

A gift from my Dad when I told him my water had broken

A Week of New Sensations and Learning

It's now week thirty-nine and I can't believe how the time goes by so quickly!

In the last blog entry I talked a bit about different cramps I've been experiencing; I informed my midwife about this and as it turns out I've been experiencing Braxton Hick's! Also, when I told my dad I had been getting cramps he looked at me funny said, 

"Cramps? You mean Braxton Hicks?" So, as obvious as this may have been to some it was news for me and could you blame me? After all, I have never experienced Braxton Hicks before and I'm not sure I've ever heard a description of how they feel, except that they fool some women into thinking they're in labour. Now I know. That said, at my last midwife appointment I was told that this week I would be offered a membrane sweep and as you know I had decided to forgo this option as I didn't feel in a hurry, especially with my mom being out of town, and I wasn't too crazy about the idea of a day or two of cramps. However, my Braxton Hicks had actually increased quite steadily throughout the nights, so I was now undecided: should I just go for it, or should I wait? I was already cramping, so that no longer deterred me, but if it doesn't actually activate labour unless both the woman's body and the baby are ready, then what was the point? Luke was with me during the appointment and I think he could tell that I couldn't quite make a decision, so he stepped in and asked what really were the benefits? Good question! And I was instantly relieved he had the foresight to ask the question I couldn't  form for myself. We learnt that in addition to softening the cervix women who have membrane sweeps from thirty-eight weeks on have a much higher chance of spontaneously going into labour and thus a much lower need for medical induction. That was all I needed to hear; decision made. Unfortunately, even with all the Braxton Hick's and we learnt that my baby girl is engaged, the effacement of my cervix was still at zero percent and not even minutely dilated, so that meant a membrane sweep was no longer a possibility as it needs to be at least one centimetre dilated. The good news is that it's looking like my mom will be here for the delivery of her fifth granddaughter.

As I wait I'm still trying to take advantage of the time and energy that still remains. On the one hand I have ceased my adapted at home workout sessions as they've just become too cumbersome; however, I continue to do some stretches and exercises that I have found to help both with keeping up my back's strength and ability to bear the extra weight of my expanding belly and my balance. As a result I believe this has allowed me to continue attending gentle aqua-fit. I seriously attest my body's strength to the combination of these stretches and exercises, as gentle as they may be. And, although I need to take many "coffee-breaks", the benefit is that I'm able to continue gardening (this week Luke and I planted broccoli, parsnips and cucumbers) and weed the front flower patch. In addition, as a special treat, when it was my nephew Joshua's turn to spend the night I had both the energy and strength to walk down a couple blocks to the dollar-store and treat him to a few packages of toys dinosaurs and turtles that we could play with together back at my place.

There are definitely times I can tell that I am beginning to slow down and more recently have felt more irritable and antisocial than usual. My sister-in-law warned me, and Luke as a heads-up, that as my hormones change in preparation for labour it was quite possible that this would happen. Yet, it has been fun taking the time to be social. For instance, after playing dinosaurs, Joshua and I both had fun making grape juice with the Magic Bullet Juicer for  real grape juice popsicles - which makes quite the tasty treat. Even when I was tired and really didn't feel up to being social, with Luke's encouragement to get out while I could, I had a great homemade iced-cappaccino and banana muffins visit with my childhood friend Amanda. The visit went so well that when Luke sent me a text asking if my mood had lifted, Amanda and I had a good laugh over it. In fact she said to let him know she never would have guessed I left the house grumpy. In addition to local socializing, Luke and I even managed an evening out to North Vancouver for fresh vegetable juice with one friend and pizza with another couple, who have a seven month old son that we were finally able to meet! They even blessed us with a new jolly jumper - which I am pretty excited to have aquired. And, last night Luke and I had friends over for appetizers, desert, and excellent company for what could potentially be our last "party" before the two of us become three. 

Obviously I am not sure what this next week will bring. I am happy to announce that while the Braxton Hicks have tapered off I have experienced actual contractions the last two nights. For those who are first time moms, a primigravida in medical terms (in contrast to a multigravida who have moved on to subsequent pregnancies) or a heifer (a first time pregnant cow) in farm terminology as my dad so eloquently called me in the beginning of my pregnancy (he meant it in the most loving way as he has a soft spot for these wide eyed and sweet tempered first time moms whom he sees as needing extra love and care) a contraction feels more like a piercing pain and your entire belly goes hard like a bowling ball; you may even feel the baby squirming down further into the pelvis once the contraction ceases - I did and what a neat and trippy  feeling it is. 

What progression will occur this week? I haven't a clue and that's part of the aggravation and yet excitement of the the anticipation. Soon we will meet this little miraculous creation baking in my womb; until then it's one day, one visit, and one more chance to embrace this adventure of pregnancy. 

At the moment the one question that intrigues Luke and I is: How big do we think she'll be? Although I'm only 5'3" and he's 6'4" as babies we were both over nine pounds, and my sister's first two babies were over over nine pounds, so I really assumed that I my babies would be too; however, I also assumed that I had no chance of having the cute baby bump, I really thought I'd be enormous! Yet, I think that in fact I do look good and I do have a cute belly. But, judging by it's size, neither Luke nor I can really imagine a very large baby tucked in there. An interesting thought that will only be answered when she arrives, for now any guesses?

39 week belly

Spring Ornaments

Spring has almost sprung

Apple blossoms

Blossom

Luke and Oscar testing out the Boba baby wrap

Proud Papa bought his daughter an owl toque

The Waiting Game

I've just completed my thirty-seventh week of pregnancy. My baby girl is considered full term and could be born anytime within the next four weeks. So, the waiting game begins. In a way I completely expect her to stay safe, warm and cozy in my womb until closer to the forty-two week mark considering that I myself was a month overdue and each of my sister's three kids were past the forty week mark as well; it seems as if genetics are guaranteeing a later birth. So, on the one hand I'm completely prepared for my baby girl to come closer to the end of April and possibly even in May; however, since Luke's Nana's birthday is on the sixteenth of April that's the date I'm personally hoping for.

During my midwife appointment I was told that at my next appointment I would be offered a membrane sweep which is a very low type of intervention to get labour started. I was informed that it is slightly uncomfortable and may cause cramping that could last either for the day, but possibly the next day as well. The nice thing about this method is that it softens the cervix and if both your baby and your body is ready to go into labour then the cramping may give your body that extra boost to kick start the process. I'm not opposed to the idea, although I'm not too particular about cramping, but I have decided to forego this procedure as my mother is going to Grande Prairie Alberta for the week visiting and helping my brother and sister-in-law who had the home birth five weeks ago. Depending on who you are, and how many times you've done this before, you may or may not choose to have someone support you during your labour; that person could simply be your partner, or you may want additional support such as a family member, a friend or perhaps a doula. For myself I just want my husband and my mommy. In addition to my mom being gone until the fifteenth my last day of class and due date for my final paper is also the fifteenth. So, I've had a little chat with my baby girl asking her to please wait until at least the sixteenth. However, should she choose to come early then my sister Zoë will be stepping in and helping out, obviously she's hoping her little niece comes earlier. In the end, my baby girl will come when she's good and ready and I don't have any plans to stop her nor do I have plans to force her.   I am a firm believer that if I try to force my baby to come before she's ready then not only will I be stressing her out but I'll be stressing my own body out and all that stress will probably just lead to a chain of invasive interventions that not only serve for a painful labour but aren't necessarily healthy for either of us. So I wait.

As a warning: if you're the queasy type or just don't need all the pleasant details, I would suggest skipping this paragraph. As a note to first time moms and anyone else who is interested, I would like to say that for the past four days I have had two different kinds of cramps. I would not say it's false labour at all, but definitely my body beginning to prepare me and get ready to go through the motions. The first cramp is the most common and I usually have it twice a day and it's the type that feels like I'm getting my period and the pressure goes all the way down into my pelvis. The second type I've only experienced twice and it feels similar to desperately needing to sit on the toilet, not quite as bad as having diarrhoea but a similar feeling, except there's nothing. This makes me wonder how long this wait will really be? Thankfully I'm still very much enjoying this second half of pregnancy, even though after five months of living with it I am tired of constantly feeling the pain of my lower abdominal muscles stretching and pulling apart.

During this time of waiting I am taking to heart the suggestion to spend the time to do things and visit with family and friends while I can before I have a baby to care for. This past week Luke and I took advantage of the break in weather and went fishing with Oscar. 

Luke fishing in Agassiz

Oscar fetching in Agassiz

Pretty Pink Pedicure

Later on Luke treated me to his services and

gave me a pedicure 

and a couple days later a foot massage - it was lovely. 

I'm continuing to stay active by doing some simple exercises here at home and attending gentle aqua-fit at the local Y a couple times a week (of course I indulge and spend five to ten minutes in the hot-tub sitting up against a jet; it feels glorious and gently relieves the back pressure I've been experiencing the last couple weeks as my belly continues to get bigger). Also, I have decided to have my niece and nephew come spend the night one last time before the baby arrives. In a strange way, however much I am looking forward to meeting my baby, I am feeling a sense of loss when I consider who I am as an aunt and how much the dynamics will change once my baby is here. In fact the dynamics have already changed; I used to be the really fun energetic Aunty Erin who would chase them, have tickle fights, play hide-and-go-seek and jump on the trampoline with them; now I still give them lots of undivided attention, but I no longer have the energy to do the things I did and even when my energy does come back my attention will then be divided. So in a sense I am sad to say goodbye to old Aunty Erin. I realize that it won't completely change and that I'll still have fun spending the time I can give with my niece and nephew, but in the meantime it means a lot to have them come stay with me one last time. My niece spent this past Thursday night and we had fun watching The Lorax, playing with my dog Oscar, reading her a bedtime story, going over to visit Grammy, and colouring together. Probably the cutest thing that happened was when she saw me in my pyjamas with my belly sticking out and exclaimed with wide brown eyes, "Oh wow you've got a big belly!" and then went on to say that I should sing praises over it so I'll have a good and easy birth because that's what her mom said. 

"Oh wow you've got a big belly!"

Oscar actually cuddling up to my belly

Probably the best advice I've received and it came from my five year old niece; thanks Olecia I'll take that advice to heart :) 

This has been my week and I look forward to what the next will bring.

One Month Or So To Go

I'm not sure how midwifery visitations and appointments work elsewhere in Canada, however here in BC most appointments occur at the midwifery clinic. However, during your pregnancy if you are planning a home birth then during week thirty-six you will receive a home visit. I recently found out from my brother and sister-in-law that this is different in Alberta where every appointment with a midwife occurs at home; however, whereas midwifery care is completely funded through our provincial health care, this is not the case in Alberta. Midwifery is a recognized, registered, regulated and legal form of maternity care in Alberta, but unlike BC it isn't covered - which means those who choose this care pay for it themselves. I don't know what the typical going rate is, or if there is a sliding scale, but I have been quoted one figure of $3000.00. So, I suppose if I were paying for maternity care myself I would expect and appreciate that all appointments happened in the comfort of my own home. Thankfully, I live in BC (although more home visits would definitely be preferable although perhaps unrealistic for the midwives with full clinics and calendars).

Since this past week has been my thirty-sixth week of pregnancy and am planning to attempt a home birth, I had our home visit this past Tuesday. In a sense it was the most comfortable and relaxed appointment I've had, at the same time both Luke and I felt like we had to make sure our house was tidy and that both our floors and bathroom were clean. In some odd sense it was as if not only were we going to review different possibilities like where delivery would most likely occur so that the midwife could set up her equipment in a convenient location and of course to review what could arise that would mandate a transfer to the hospital, but also we sort of felt like this was also the moment to prove that we could provide a safe environment for our baby and that our ability to be good parents would be approved. It's a funny perception and one totally based on the opinion of someone else, but it also shows how much we look for approval from society even before the baby is even here. Our suspicions were unfounded though as we really only spent time in our front room and our midwife didn't even use the bathroom.

Probably the most interesting thing that occurred during our visit was our miniature daschund dog's reaction. Our dog, Oscar, can be quite the ornery old man when meeting new people. With Luke and I he's very sweet: likes to cuddle, do pack howls and groom us by liking our legs; yet, when it comes to newcomers he's usually very apprehensive, barks and or growls, and is typically very suspicious. However, he was unusually very quiet and only briefly sniffed around our midwife's ankles before going to sit with Luke. While the three of us were discussing different possibilities for labour I asked what experience she had had at other home births were pets had been present. Her response was that most people ended up putting their pets in a separate room so as to not bother the labouring mother and that dogs in particular could be unpredictable in how they react to mom going through such intensity. This pretty much confirmed it for me as I had told Luke that I did not want Oscar present because I was positive that he would either start to bark or howl along with my groaning, or even worse when either squatting or kneeling through contractions have him come bounding up and tossing me his ball and excitedly thinking that I'm in the perfect position to play fetch (just like he used to do at the beginning of my pregnancy when I'd be knelt over the toilet puking and crying). I'm not sure Oscar will survive me if he's present during my labour. Well, just after asking this question my midwife measured the size of my growing belly (a healthy thirty-five centimetres) and then listened to the heartbeat; with that Oscar began to have a fit! We all burst into laughter - confirmation that Oscar shouldn't be present during my labour and he'd be better off hanging out with my dad down the street.

About half way through the week I noticed that its been getting harder for me to fall asleep. I'm not sure if this is pregnancy related or not because it isn't that my growing belly has become uncomfortable (although I have really begun to feel the weight of it on my back as I walk) or that always sleeping on my side puts a lot of pressure on my hips, its actually all in my feet. It may sound strange, but it's as if my feet have a mind of their own. As soon as I lay down my feet start to tingle. They aren't exactly in pain although they seem to appreciate a good massage. No, it's more like they're wide awake and just want to run. It really is distracting. One night I was up until after 5am, the last couple nights it was 1am, and of course I kept having to get up every hour to go pee. Thankfully, probably due to sheer exhaustion, I finally fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow and I think I only had to get up twice to go pee the entire night! It was amazing. I suppose on a positive note if it is pregnancy related at least I didn't have a crying baby to contend with as well; that will come soon enough - anywhere from now until approximately (but hopefully not this long)  five weeks from now! I really can't believe these last couple weeks are going so quickly!

Probably the highlight of this week was having my belly photo-shoot done. I don't have much to say about this, rather I have pictures to share. But, I would like to say thank you to my friend Krista for coming out, taking all these great pictures and spending the evening with us. It was a treat.

It's the Little Experiences that Matter

I'm now almost thirty-six weeks and I can't say that lots has happened. Or perhaps it seems as if nothing major has happened, so therefore I haven't felt that I've had anything significant to post. Yet, if I look at the little things as a whole there are certain particulars that are interesting, or at least good to consider.

For instance, I have noticed that the few things that I have commented about, when said to veteran moms, hasn't been met with a whole lot of empathy (or i it tends to be masked behind the comment "just you wait"). I realize these veterans are just warning me and trying to be supportive, but sometimes it's just nice to hear some empathy. For instance, for the past month or so I have not been able to get a full nights sleep at all simply because I'm up either every hour or if I'm lucky two to three hours, in order to go pee. I realize that once the baby comes I'll be up this amount anyways, and then I'll be dealing with the cries of an infant. So it isn't that I'm naive, or that I don't appreciate the silence that I currently have. However, that doesn't mean I'm not tired! The expert advice is stock up on sleep now and enjoy these last few weeks where it's just you and your partner. But there is no possible way for me to stock up on sleep and the only part I can enjoy is being able to sleep in and take naps throughout the day.  So, it really is nice to be able to voice this and just simply be heard. Even an empathetic, "Ah yes, preparation for when you have to get up every two hours to feed or change a diaper" is preferable; at least in this comment there is an element of empathy while recognizing  what is to come.

That said, as a woman going through my first pregnancy, every experience is a new experience for me. So when I say that I feel as if my belly is as stretched as it ever could be I don't need expert eyes rolling around, nor do I need to hear, "Just you wait". Again, I am not naive, I fully understand that my belly will continue to stretch and grow as long as this baby continues to thrive within me. HOWEVER, no matter at what stage of the pregnancy I am in, whether it was thirteen weeks to when I am quite possibly forty-two weeks, at that point in time my belly IS as big as it ever has been! And right now at thirty-five weeks I most definitely feel like I've eaten an entire turkey - that's still alive and moving! And yes my belly may not weigh as much as a turkey, but let me assure you that it at least looks like the size of a turkey.

To be quite frank I quite enjoy my belly and am rather proud of it. As it continues to grow and protrude to the point that I am now wearing Luke's sweatshirts as not even the stretchiest of mine will do up over it, I admit that I never cease to be impressed by the beauty of its roundness, nor do I tire of admiring it in the mirror. I really have no opinion of whether it is a large belly or a small belly, I just know that it is growing and that in the past two weeks it feels as if my baby girl is moving and stretching around a lot more which I know to be an indication of a very healthy baby. However, in talking about the size of my belly, it really is a funny thing how many different opinions the general public has to say about it. Last week I was at the health-food store where the ladies have seen me progress from my early pregnancy symptom of morning-sickness to now. They smiled and one said,
"Any time now. How many days?" To which I replied,
"I'm not sure how many days, but it's five weeks until my due date." At which point her eyes got instantly wider as she stared at my belly. I laughed. She finally got her words together and with both fascination and genuine sympathy she exclaimed,
"You're going to be so big by the end. I really do feel sorry for you." Now I could've been insulted by such a remark, but instead I smiled and simply stated,
"It's genetics." To begin with I have a short torso, so there really isn't anywhere for my baby to go but outward; plus I'm only 5'3" whereas my husband is 6'4". In addition I have seen pictures of my own mother at the end of her pregnancies, I have seen my cousins, and I have seen my sister. I have fully been prepared and expected that I too would have a big belly - it was pretty much a guarantee. So, I really did find the lady's exclamation that I have a big baby belly to be quite humorous. But then a couple days later I was at the Harrison pool with my sister and some paediatric nurses were there trying to guess how old my four month niece was and how far along I was. As it turns out in their opinion I had quite a nice small belly, which was nice to hear as well. Regardless of the opinions that are out there, I firmly believe that if you are eating well, consuming enough to feed both you and your baby, and being active in some way (whether that be as much as going to the gym to workout, doing modified workouts in your own home, going for hikes, or simply going for walks or leisurely swims) and just as long as you are taking care of your health to the best of your ability, then you should take pride in that gorgeously unique belly of yours.

Two other things that I have noticed in the past two weeks is first my stomach has become sensitive to acidic raw foods (such as tomatoes); second while my aversion to certain smells subsided at the end of my first trimester, I have recently gained a new aversion to the smell of fried food, especially fried bacon. In regards to the acidic food its happened twice now that I've eaten cherry tomatoes as a snack only for them to induce vomiting not too long afterwards. As for the smell of bacon, it's gotten to the point where I insist that Luke turns the fan on high when he's frying it up in the morning, open the kitchen window, close the bedroom door, and possible even open the front door. One day it seemed as if the smell lingered for so long that it bombarded me during the night, kept me from falling asleep, and actually made me feel ill to the point that I finally got up and put a few drops of lavender oil on a cotton ball so I could hold it up to my nose in an attempt to mask the smell. Yesterday I had both sensitivities combine for a rather unpleasant experience. For breakfast I had juiced a banana, an orange, a grapefruit, and a couple carrots; although it tasted alright it wasn't long before the acidity of the orange and grapefruit sent me running to the bathroom. Then, although I ate another hearty meal including ground flax and an egg, I still wasn't feeling good and it didn't help that Luke was frying up some bacon. I just couldn't handle it, so I went curled up in bed. Luke came by not too long after wondering where I had gone and curled up next to me and asked if I was ok and could he do anything? I replied nicely that no there wasn't anything to do and all I had to say next was,
"You smell like bacon." Thankfully he laughed, wasn't offended and graciously left me to nap.

I suppose the other most major thing that has occurred is a change in my state of mind. It could be called nesting, except that I'm not on a major cleaning obsession. However, at thirty-four weeks I suddenly realized that I only had six weeks left until due date. This alone didn't quite freak me out, but it was then that I realized that meant there were only five weeks remaining of the semester and five weeks until I completed the final class of my long awaited degree. Five weeks sounded like a lot, except that I still had a final midterm essay, a proposal, a group project and a final paper all due within this time; now it's only three weeks left of class and still I'm working on all four assignments! Thankfully two are due on Monday, so that will be a relief, and I've gotten the ball rolling with both the group project and the final paper. At the same time, while completing this class and hence my degree should be my priority, this is not where my concentration is. On the contrary, I'm finding it very difficult to be motivated or to consider it pressing at all; instead it's as if all I can really think about is making sure I have all my baby and nursing gear and essentials in order - after all what if my baby girl comes early and I'm not ready? That's what happened with my sister-in-law. Her delivery was a planned home-birth; but ended up being an adventure in an unattended home-birth. Thankfully everything went well and apparently my brother was the best birthing partner ever - until my niece was actually born and he didn't know what to do from there and panicked a little. For full details on this amazing story visit my sister-in-laws blog listed below and read the post called "Adventures in Birthing at Home." Let's just say that after this Luke made sure that I had a brand new pack of shoelace in our birthing kit as we too are planning a home-birth. I'm as ready as I can be now. Everything is in order and I have my supplies. Now I just have to keep refocusing my concentration on finishing this class!
http://littleschartnerfamily.blogspot.ca

Finally, I just want to mention one of the fun things that have occurred these past few weeks and that I highly recommend first time parents, but also parents going through repeat pregnancies as well, and that is to spend quality time with your family as it is right now before the new addition arrives. Luke and I have spent a lot of time going on adventures, watching TV and movies, going out for dinner (thank you to my sister-in-law Kylie for the Swiss Chalet gift card), cuddling, sleeping in and essentially just being together and enjoying the quality time spent as just the two of us. Luke even surprised me by gathering up the supplies and painting my toenails one night. Getting ready for our baby girl and doing it together has definitely been one of the highlights and half the fun of this pregnancy. Plus, it's been incredibly bonding for Luke and I to relax together and have him both feel and chuckle at how active our baby girl can really get - especially while I'm getting ready for bed. To hear Luke either laugh and say,
"That's my girl. That's the Luke in her, " or "I can't wait to meet her," while we're all cuddled up almost has no other comparison and really solidifies the fact that we are in fact a family.

Perceptions and Empowerment of Pregnancy and Birth

Recently I had tea with both my mom and my grammy. I was telling them about my appointment with my midwife and how instead of gaining the expected three pounds I actually lost two pounds from the last time I had weighed in. I also mentioned that my midwife had assured me that it's quite normal because as the pregnancy progresses the stomach becomes quite squashed; so women think they're eating enough because they feel full and her recommendation was for me to keep a food journal to make sure I was consuming an adequate amount of calories. However, as mentioned earlier my belly measurements were right on track for the proper growth of my baby girl, so there really wasn't anything to worry about.

After relaying my good news I thought we'd go on to talk about something else. However, I was pleasantly surprised when Grammy exclaimed with perhaps a bit of amusement mixed with the added measure of wisdom gained over time by watching different trends come and go,
"My goodness things have changed. Why when I only went to the doctor to confirm I was pregnant and then I didn't go to the hospital again until the birth."

As strange and possible amusing as she thought all this fuss surrounding pregnancy is in this day and age, the idea of only seeing someone to confirm your pregnancy and then not again until delivery was equally shocking to me. Listening to Grammy as she relayed her experience uncovered some interesting facts. For instance, she said that the only time she saw her doctor was to confirm her pregnancy; remember at this time there were no chemical tests and apparently there wasn't even a blood test. So how was pregnancy confirmed? The doctor simply felt her abdomen. I automatically assumed that she must've been well into her second trimester for him to feel anything but Grammy says she wasn't that far along at all. There were no ultrasounds just the reliance of feel, amazing.

From previous stories that my parents had told of their mom's birthing experience I had always imagined a very isolated, lonely and drug induced labour that eradicated any memory of the birthing experience. I even heard it said that my Grammy was so high during her second delivery that she developed a fleeting crush on her doctor and told him he was so nice that she was naming her new son after him. That is how my uncle got his name; no special meaning, no input from my Grandpa, simply a name given while high on medical drugs. It was stories such as these that instilled in me my fear of hospital controlled births.

However, comments made by my grammy gave me new insight and a new perception. I must've mentioned to her that Luke would probably be working away in Squamish when I went into labour, but since it's my first I'm really not too concerned because it'll probably take hours and I'm sure he'll make it here in plenty of time. Grammy agreed and although she thought it would be nice for me to have Luke's support she said she was sure I'd be fine; after all John (my grandpa) wasn't present for any one of her five births and in some she couldn't even get ahold of him to take her to the hospital, so she gave birth all by herself. She laughed saying that she was so young and didn't know anything, but birth was normal so she wasn't nervous at all. I was slightly taken aback that she could say that birth was normal; from all my research birth was so medicalized by her generation that now the dominant idea is that birth is abnormal until proven otherwise and generally only with a midwife (unless you happen to be fortunate to have an exceptional doctor) is birth considered normal until proven otherwise. It really was an alter of perception to bring the stories of her drug induced birthing experiences together with the fact that she believed that birth was normal and therefore needn't be scared or nervous. This really made me curious so I asked her what her mother's birthing experiences were like. It came as a great surprise to me that my great-grandmother had her first two at home and her third with a health nurse who had rooms set up in her house (essentially a birthing centre) that were actually quite comfortable as it resembled being at home. My grammy is the oldest of her siblings; while she wasn't directly involved with the births of her siblings she was around for them and as far as she can remember birth just happened. In addition, my grandpa's mom had all of her children at home. So, it seems reasonable that because she grew up and was surrounded with the idea that birth is normal that she wouldn't have any hesitations about her own body's ability to go through the same process.

My grammy's stories really highlight the different social expectations from her generation and community to the ones that I face. Many friends and family who know me find it only obvious that I chose a midwife. Yet I have seen the element of surprise cross many brows when they find out that I'm attempting to have a home-birth. Considering the images that we're constantly fed about birth I suppose I should expect such a reaction; after all the media almost always depicts birth as almost equivalent to horrific rather than a event of great power. Even in movies where a home-birth is shown (as in the movie "Back Up Plan") it still comes off as traumatic for the main characters. Only recently did I come across an episode in the series "Bones" where home-birth was considered the optimum for comfort, safety, and health. The main character Dr. Brennan saw birth as completely natural. She emphasized the fact that the female body is designed to give birth and she was adamant that the best and most natural place for her to give birth was at home.  For a show about about the science of bones I was secretly hoping that she'd have this opinion, but was preparing myself for the disappointment of yet another scientific hospital birth (although I felt it would have to run contradictory to someone who should intimately know the true design and intent of the human body).  I was absolutely thrilled that Dr. Brennan was an adamant advocate for birth being both normal and believing in her body's natural ability to give birth.

 I was fortunate to have parents who also believed birth was normal and chose to have a doula in the hospital with my sister attended by an empathetic doctor who had her baby at home. Following my sister they chose to have myself and my two brothers at home. Like my grammy I was raised believing birth is normal. I have no fears concerning labour. I am not naive - I know full well that  it takes time and that it's painful (they don't call them labour pains or the ring-of-fire for nothing). I may actually enjoy the experience, or I may scream, holler, and cry while begging for it all to go away. I can't know, I can't even really speculate, until I'm there and I've done it. However, just as my grammy believed in her body's natural ability to give birth, I too believe in my own body and so the nervousness that surrounds so many other births just aren't present within me. To be honest I am petrified of the possibility of a hospital birth; however, I know that there is a time and place for everything. If it is determined that it would be best to transfer to the hospital my only prayer is that I'll be able to accept this with grace rather than a fear that could very well arrest labour and result in emergency intervention. Of course I know that however my baby girl comes into this world as long as she's healthy that's what's most important. For now I am encouraged with my grammy's statement when she found out my mom had chosen a home-birth,
"Your grandma gave birth to all her kids at home. If she can do it so can you." I come from a long line of women who believed in birth - I am no exception and from their strength I take comfort.

Finally Feeling Fine and Fabulous

I'm 31 weeks and these are just a few things I've noticed:


My innie bellybutton has started to become an outie and it's actually quite soft,  I've begun to waddle, and I get tired more often and need an afternoon nap.

The less than pleasant aspects of the third trimester include:


Bending over has started to interfere with a variety of activities: tying my shoes (slip-ons are the go-to), sitting down and getting up (this goes sitting in the kitchen, the couch, the car, the bed, tying shoes, going to the bathroom and of course shaving). In fact last Friday I cleaned the bathroom, but when it came to cleaning out the bathtub I chose to leave it for Luke as I just couldn't fathom the thought of spending that much time bent over scrubbing the tub!

The heartburn I had in the first trimester has returned with a vengeance. Since I had an issue with kidney stones at the beginning of the pregnancy I have been avoiding Tums due to their calcium intake. As a result I'm back to munching on raw almonds or taking papaya enzymes. Both seem to be quite effective, but I think the almonds work best.



I've noticed little brown moles or skin tags on my breasts. The midwife assures me this is normal and they can appear all over the body but are more noticeable on breasts since they're more visible (especially since I've been slathering them in cream hoping to avoid stretch marks). That reminds me I have gotten stretch marks, neither very dark nor prominent, but they are right there on the top of my breasts. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised as my breasts are noticeably larger - even to people besides my husband. As of yet I haven't gotten any on my stomach but I do have approximately another ten weeks to go.


For the first time on February 13 I felt her up under my ribs - it wasn't that bad, but I'm not looking forward to that advancing because I'm sure it will only get more uncomfortable and painful the bigger and stronger she gets.

The more pleasant and simply enjoyable aspects of pregnancy include:

The love and enjoyment I once had for my dog Oscar has returned. I now really like taking him for a walk and playing fetch again. I even let him cuddle with me and his dog smell doesn't disgust me. However, I do think he could benefit from a bath. But again bending over for that amount of time holds no appeal, plus I'm almost guaranteed to get a bout of heartburn if I attempt it. So, washing the dog becomes another chore to add to Luke's to-do-because-I'm-pregnant-list.


I feel my baby girl quite frequently now and if I'm paying attention I can see my belly warp and ripple to her movements. Although she's active I don't think my baby girl really goes to town like she's entered a kickboxing match; instead it's more like she's stretching or adjusting, and when it does get a little more vigourous it's as if she's letting me know my position is squishing her and she's not in favour. This is such an incredible feeling that I don't even know how to describe it. I really don't have the words to explain and I think only another woman who has gone through it can understand what I'm saying. However, it's pretty entertaining and definitely steals my attention to watch my belly move and morph. It's also been fun to have Luke watch and feel when she really gets moving.

Probably one of the nicest things I've noticed is that the more I get out, see friends, go for walks, and eat nutritious meals the better I feel emotionally and physically. For such a long time I felt like I had no energy and for the majority of the time I felt sickly. Even when my severe nausea and puking finally faded I was still left with the uncomfortable feeling of getting over a flu. However, that has mostly abated and when I do start to feel a bit nauseas then I know it's time to eat and give my girl some calories to bulk up on. That may sound a bit funny but it's important to consume more calories to ensure that the baby is gaining adequate nutrition to develop, grow and build up her fat reserves for warmth. I had a midwife appointment a couple days ago and found out that rather than gaining the expected pound a week I actually lost two pounds! Initially this sounds great, but the reality is that it's the baby gaining weight that's important and to lose weight is a bit of a concern. However, when my midwife measured my belly it read 30 centimetres (approximately a centimetre for every week of gestation) which means that my baby girls growth is right on track. This means that it really was me that lost the two pounds - not too surprising since now that I'm feeling better I'm definitely more active. Once again my midwife assured me that it was normal to lose weight at this point because a mother's stomach gets so squashed that she may eat a meal and feel like she ate a sufficient amount because she's full. While my midwife encouraged me to continue being active and eating nutritious meals, she also mentioned monitoring my calorie intake to make sure it's sufficient and suggested eating more snacks. Of course, as Luke can attest to, I do eat quite often and I always have something in my purse just in case I need snack while we're out.

Finally, I have noticed that older people (men and women alike) seem to get the most enjoyment out of the prospect of new life. I'm constantly met with smiles, inquiries as to if I can feel her kicking, and when am I due. Actually there's one lady in my aqua-fit class that asks me when I'm due every time she sees me, it's cute and I'm happy to talk about it. After all it's quite the marvellous feat of nature that I'm accomplishing by growing this baby girl. I think it's this fact combined with my overall feeling of wellbeing that for the first time yesterday I felt like I had the pregnancy glow - random people kept smiling and saying hello to me. I felt noticed and my pregnant state seemed to make people more friendly than usual. It was nice and it made this pregnant woman feel especially good about herself.